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Dating tips |
You've finally found someone online - now it's time to introduce yourself. But what exactly do you say?
There will be two situations when you'll be writing to singles: either you will have found a man or woman's personal ad, and intrigued by it you will seek contact, or you will be answering the e-mail of singles who found your own ad and decided they wanted to know you better.
In the latter case, the ice will already be broken for you, so just be yourself and have fun. If, on the other hand, you are making the first move, keep in mind that e-mail dating is a shy guy's dream come true: you'll appear charming, witty and wonderful -- without first date jitters ruining your cool.
There are some major points to always keep in mind when making a fabulous first impression, even online. Keep these tips in mind when writing that first or second e-mail:
- Don't use form letters, i.e. don't keep a copy of the same message and send it to all singles you meet. Generic e-mails like that just aren't impressive, and come of impersonal and somewhat thoughtless.
- Customize your message with something you'd like to say to the individual woman or man if you met in person: pick out a few things out of the personal ad, or out of the e-mail you receive, and add some of your own personal thoughts.
- Write a concise headline and put it in the "Subject:" line If your recipient receives a high amount of e-mail, he or she will be more likely to notice your message if it stands out of the crowd. It's good to use a little humor here - wit is always compelling.
- Structure the message like a conversation. By creating a conversational flow, you add an important personal touch to the communication. In addition to writing about yourself, comment on your recipient's previous emails and ask open-ended questions. Let them know you are interested in who they are, and that you want to know more about their beliefs, thoughts and interests. These connections will be the beginning of any future relationship.
- Stay away from heavy subjects. Having a shoulder to cry on is great, however you barely know the person you are writing to, so keep the intimacy at an appropriate level. Comments about problems with your e-mail software are ok; details about your impending divorce are not. When the friendship is strong enough, you can gradually disclose personal information that may be difficult to hear or understand.
- Remain Positive Keep your emails upbeat, optimistic and fun. Think about the feelings you want your email to convey. Make your reader smile and want more. Positive emails are more likely to receive a return message. Avoid complaining, putting people down, feeling sorry for yourself or any relationship drama. Negative people are perceived to be unattractive.
- Honesty will be rewarded. As in writing personal ads, when making first contact with singles honesty is the most important aspect of communicating. Eventually, you may be asked to live up to your own advertising. It's fine to emphasize your winning attributes or life accomplishments. The trick is to embellish without significantly exaggerating or making the whole thing up. If you're having trouble pinpointing the real you and what makes you special, ask a friend. Remember that healthy relationships are built on a foundation of trust.
- Don't say anything that might inadvertently spook the reader. Watch for words or concepts that might make your reader concerned or uncomfortable. Be aware that certain expressions may be misunderstood. You may think "living in solitude" suggests a quiet, contemplative life. The reader may think it means being lonely and out of touch. Avoid whining, swearing and any expressions of anger or desperateness. If you suspect that something you write might be misconstrued, then it probably will be. Skip it.
- Presentation Is Important - the details do matter. Grammatically weak, misspelled or incorrectly punctuated profiles convey a sense of thoughtlessness and general sloppiness -- not a terrific first impression. Show that you care enough to proofread your profile. Avoid run-on sentences, writing in all caps (it's perceived as yelling) and over using tired emotions. It's OK to play with language to show your uniqueness and creativity, but make sure your efforts are obvious and won't be perceived as a mistake.
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